Are you lonely in a new city? You're not alone

Why this is worth your 5 minutes

If you’ve ever moved to a new city, changed jobs, or watched people around you seem effortlessly social while you quietly wonder “Did I make the right move?” this episode is for you.

Sam moved solo from the UK to Dubai for her career, when there was a big demand for British primary educators in the Middle East. Her expat story is a potent concentration of honesty, vulnerability, and grit. And if you listen to the full episode later, you’ll hear the kind of conversation most people only have behind closed doors.

3 Lessons You Can Apply Today

Here are the three most transferable lessons for those who want steady, intentional growth.

1. Loneliness isn’t the absence of people. It’s the absence of connection.

Sam didn’t lack people around her, but rather she lacked people she could relate to.
She describes her lowest moment clearly:

“I left work on a Friday and returned on Monday realising I hadn’t spoken to a single human being.”

Many young professionals experience this after moving cities, starting a new job, or leaving university. It’s not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you! Your environment simply changed faster than the time that your support system takes to rebuild.

It’s a work in progress.

Try this:

Identify one person you feel even slightly safe with. Send a message that’s 10% more honest than usual: “Hey, could really use a bit of face time this week, want to grab a coffee?”
Sharing small glimpses of vulnerability builds real relationships.

2. Social anxiety can hide behind “I’m just tired” or “I prefer being alone”

Sam only realised she had social anxiety when she took stock of physical symptoms that came up:

“I found myself pacing my living room, talking myself out of leaving the house… headaches, vomiting, shortness of breath.”

This didn’t fit her self-image. She thought she was someone who simply enjoyed her own company. But anxiety often masquerades as “preference,” becoming a negative reinforcing loop that eats away at your health and confidence.

Try this:

Before cancelling plans, pause and ask yourself: Is this decision coming from my physical needs, or fear?
If it’s fear, don’t force yourself to go. But do something tiny that breaks the cycle: a 10-minute walk outside, a message to a friend, or attending an event for 15 minutes only.

3. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. This is normal.

Sam describes watching other expats forming friendships quickly:

“They were forever busy… and I just couldn’t figure out how is this the case? Am I unlikable?”

Comparison made her doubt herself, even though her experience was completely normal.
Everyone’s timeline for settling in is different.

Fast friendships ≠ deep friendships.
And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit, “I’m not okay right now.”

Try this:

Replace comparison with connection. The next time you see someone who looks like they “have it all together,” ask one question: “How did you actually find settling in when you first moved here?”
You’ll be surprised how often this breaks the shell for honesty to come through.

The messy truth behind Sam’s success

Sam didn’t build She Knows Best, the anonymous support community for women, because she had life figured out. She built it because she didn’t.

She created the platform after recognising, through another woman’s post on social media, that she wasn’t the only one suffering from loneliness. As she put it:

“I wanted to tell her, you’re not a failure… I feel the same as you.”

Her success came from leaning into the truth that she once tried to deny.

Annie’s Anecdote

I was shocked when Sam cried during the recording. Speaking further with her reminded me why Low to Grow matters: these conversations are healing for those behind the mic, and in front of the mic.

My parents left their close-knit family to build a life abroad. As their only daughter, I grew up with the quiet pressure of wanting to “make them proud” while struggling with my fears privately.

Sam’s honesty reaffirmed this: growth, especially as an adult, isn’t glamorous. It’s human, messy, and often lonely.
My takeaway this week?

When one person speaks up, others feel permission to breathe again.

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ChatGPT drafted the first copy of this article before I came in to edit. If ChatGPT was my intern, my feedback would be: good, minor edits.