Season 1 3 July 2025 ~43 min

Amar Parmar on Grief, His Father's Death and Building BAE HQ for British Asians

GriefCommunityMental HealthEntrepreneurship

"I would never treat a friend like this, or I'd never treat anybody else like this, the way I'm treating myself."

"He cared more about me than he cared about my success. My dad would be more angry at me for how much I'm burning out than for what impact I'm making."

"Are you doing it because you want other people to think you look good, or are you doing it because you think you're doing good? I think happiness comes more when you're doing the latter rather than the former."

"When you start to realize that everybody you look up to has gone through hard moments too, you then hopefully beat yourself up less about what you're going through at the time as well."

Amar Parmar on Grief, His Father's Death and Building BAE HQ for British Asians

Ex-technology consultant, writer, and co-founder of BAE HQ Amar Parmar shares the profound impact of his father's passing on his life, the challenges of navigating grief, the importance of vulnerability and community support, and how loss became the catalyst for self-discovery and redefining success.

What you'll learn

How grief can become a catalyst for self-discovery and purpose
The importance of vulnerability and open communication when dealing with loss
How Amar found the balance between solitude and social interaction
Why tying success to loss creates an unhealthy pressure
The role of community in helping others through shared stories

Key moments from the conversation

His father's passing: navigating grief and legacy

Amar's father passed away roughly three years before this episode was recorded. The grief did not hit hardest immediately, it was the run-up to the one-year anniversary, around his father's June birthday and the August anniversary of his death, that Amar describes as a gauntlet. He would randomly cry on the tube. He dealt with it by staying constantly busy: if he was always with people, his brain could not attack itself. If he was exhausted, he would just fall asleep. It took him almost a year before he let himself sit with the pain and follow the threads down until they became irrational enough to release.

Tying success to legacy: the most damaging mistake

In grief, Amar tied the success of BAE HQ directly to honouring his father's legacy. The logic seemed sound, channelling grief into something positive. But it created an impossible standard: if impact was tied to honouring his dad, he could never live up to it. He spiralled into constant self-attack: 'Am I a fraud? Am I good enough? I should be better at this.' The self-inflicted pressure became unsustainable until he was forced to stop and ask: would I ever treat a friend this way?

Building BAE HQ: a community for British Asian investors and entrepreneurs

The idea for BAE HQ came to Amar while his father was in hospital with COVID. He told his dad about it, and his father loved it. BAE HQ grew from a shared frustration Amar had with his co-founder: British Asian founders often fought each other and lacked the connected ecosystem that American entrepreneurial networks take for granted. The podcast launched in October 2022, and what was meant to be a small side project grew into a thriving community for British Asian operators, investors, and entrepreneurs.

Public speaking and vulnerability: the BAE HQ live event just days after the anniversary

Amar hosted a live BAE HQ event just days after the one-year anniversary of his father's death, only the third or fourth time he had ever spoken publicly. He spent the morning crying in bed. At the event, he opened by telling the audience what was happening: 'If I'm a bit off, that's why.' He discovered that vulnerability was not weakness, it diffused the pressure he had been carrying and the audience responded with empathy rather than judgment.

Cultural influences on vulnerability: growing up Punjabi

Amar grew up in Ilford, East London, in a Punjabi family where generations before him had been in the military. The culture was macho, closed off emotionally, you did not show weakness because that made you a target. He did not begin dropping that guard until his mid-twenties, when close friends he had always seen as confident revealed they had been struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, and trauma for years. That revelation unlocked his own capacity for self-awareness.

Frequently asked questions

What is BAE HQ?

BAE HQ is a community co-founded by Amar Parmar for British Asian investors, operators, and entrepreneurs, providing a space for connection, shared stories, and mutual support. It grew from a shared frustration that British Asian founders lacked the connected ecosystem that other entrepreneurial communities take for granted.

How did Amar Parmar deal with his father's death?

Amar shares a candid account of navigating grief after his father's passing, including the unhealthy pressure of tying his success to honouring the loss. He eventually let himself sit with the pain rather than outrunning it, took a solo week away without his laptop or social media, and discovered that the grief became more manageable once he stopped attacking himself for not living up to an impossible standard.

What advice does Amar give to those in grief?

Amar advises those in grief to: remind themselves what they enjoy and not feel guilty about doing it; get therapy if they think it will help; spend time with friends who make them laugh; communicate clearly with people around them about what kind of support they need; and not get angry at people for trying to help in the wrong way when they never communicated what the right way was.

How did Amar Parmar redefine success after losing his father?

Before his father's death, Amar was more focused on external validation, followers, recognition, what other people thought. After, success became: am I living life in a way that gives me joy and makes me happy, without doing it to impress others? He draws on the example of his father, who never told anyone when he helped people, he just helped them, and whose generosity only became clear after his death through the messages that poured in.

Who is Amardeep (Amar) Parmar?

Amardeep (Amar) Parmar

Co-founder and Writer · BAE HQ

Amardeep (Amar) Parmar is an ex-technology consultant, a successful writer and co-founder of BAE HQ, a community for British Asian investors and entrepreneurs.

Amardeep Parmar →